DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Jane and Blaize won the award of the best couple in their department, in their faculty, as well as in the entire school in their final year. 

Their relationship was among the most talked about issue in the school. Even the campus fellowships could not help envying them as they seemed so perfect together, and so happy.

Their love was made in heaven. Or, so it seemed.

While Blaize was an undergraduate of Mechanical Engineering, Jane was a Law Undergraduate.  They both graduated in the same year, and by stroke of luck, served in the same state.

Just before the end of their service year, their parents ensured that they were married. They were consequently retained in their serving posts after their service year.

Three years into the marriage, Jane became very quiet in public outings and would not talk except talked to. And even then, she would always find a way to quickly excuse herself to be alone.

Her family and friends tried to, albeit in vain,  to pry from her, the reason behind her recent behaviour.

Back at home, Blaize would call her names and continually criticize her on literally everything.

At a point, Blaize insisted that she quit work, which she did promptly, just to please him. Blaize went on to isolate her from family and friends, would always monitor her every movement, who she spoke to, and who spent time with.

At any opportunity, Blaize would embarass her in public, and speak derogatorily at her.

One day, Jane’s bosom friend Queensley came visiting without pre-informing her, and found her sobbing alone!

Queensley pressed and pushed her to reveal the cause of her tears, until she began to share her marriage experience with her.

Having heard everything, Queensley advised her to speak to Blaize’s family, but Jane said she couldn’t find one thing she could say that Blaize was doing, which the family can see and say that, indeed, Blaize was wrong.

What Queensley did not know was that she was totally wrong. She actually was a victim of domestic violence!

Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.

The abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound someone.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. 

It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating.

Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.

You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you, does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive, tries to isolate you from family or friends, monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with, does not want you to work, controls finances or refuses to share money, punishes you by withholding affection, expects you to ask permission, threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets, and humiliates you in any way.

You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.), pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you, abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place, scared you by driving recklessly, used a weapon to threaten or hurt you, forced you to leave your home, trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving, prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention, hurt your children, and used physical force in sexual situations.

You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles, accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships, wants you to dress in a sexual way, insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names, forces or manipulates you into to having sex or performing sexual acts, holds you down during sex, demands sex when you’re were sick, tired or after hurting you, hurts you with weapons or objects during sex,involves other people in sexual activities with you against your will, ignores your feelings regarding sex.

The shocking reality is that most people are suffering from at least one or more of the above stated kinds of domestic violence, consciously or unconsciously.

There are many cases of domestic violence, but unfortunately, people do not report it.

This may be because the victims either do not even know that they are suffering domestic violence, like the case of Jane above, or they are ashamed of the trauma and societal reactions that comes with sharing the experience.

The first and most important step towards liberation from domestic violence is reporting it to a trusted person, and seeking for help, as the act is perpetuated due to its relative unreported nature.

Like the common saying goes, a problem shared is a problem half-solved!