No. 14: Holding Grudges.




Grudges are normal, and okay too.

As long as they do not last long and fester.

Why?

Because holding grudges doesn’t make you strong, it makes you bitter. 

Forgiving, on the other hand, doesn’t make you weak, it makes you free.

Holding grudges is like lighting yourself on fire, and expecting the begrudged to burn.

Of course, there are always ‘legitimate’ reasons why one may want to hold grudges. 

A colleague who seems to always go out of his or her way to disparage your work, and mostly succeeds at it; 

A sibling or a family member who you have sacrificed literally everything for, but who never hesitates to talk you down at any forum just to look good; 

An ex who betrayed you in ways you never thought possible; the list goes on and on.

But, these reasons appear ‘legitimate’ does not make it healthy for you to hold grudges.

Here are some of the signs that you are holding a grudge against somebody:
1.    Thoughts of them make you feel negative and bitter
2.    You avoid them by all means possible.
3.    You find a way to draw an analogy between whatever is happening and what they did to you.
4.    You are easily irritated by whatever they do.
5.    You feel nothing.

You will always be offended, and may soon find yourself holding a grudge. 

Here are some tips according to Beliefnet’s Renita Williams, to help you overcome the grudge.
1.    Acknowledge the hurt.
2.    Share your feelings.
3.    Switch places with the begrudged to see the situation from their own perspective.
4.    Accept the present reality of your pain.
5.    Decide to not dwell on it.
6.    Take out the positives.
7.    Deliberately let it go.
8.    Forgive.

Holding grudges can impact your health by causing you stress, depression, anxiety and high blood pressure - which will, in turn, reduce your productivity at work, and the quality of your life.

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